The glamour of it all.......

"Getting your head down sweetie?"

In a bygone time, allegedly, air travel was a glamorous affair, remember those Cinzano adverts with Joan Collins!? In my youth, I used to wonder about travel and how to be involved in it. I remember one night chatting over drinks with pals about my ideal job, at the time I was a truck driver for Robert Wiseman dairies and my considered view was that i should be an international man of mystery jetting all over the gaff at someone else's expense. The discussion moved to how boring and repetitive that would be but I just wasn't so sure, I reckoned the thrill of traveling and seeing new places would be fantastic! And right up my street too.....

The old truckin' days 

Air travel now is more or less like a bus service, especially short haul. I loathe the entire process, check in, security goons, herded on, miserable cabin crew, people with an inflated sense of their importance bellowing into their phones for all to hear, people half my size sat next to me taking up double my space (quite the achievement too!) - "carry on" cases the size of a removals truck to avoid that £10.00 stowage fee, the race to be the 1st off the plane like there's a solid gold trophy at the arrivals hall with American Football tactics as these athletes shoulder charge up the aisle with their heads up their arses to be then be ceremoniously herded off with a disingenuous "thank you" from the overly made up stewardess (and flamboyant steward). You get my gist right? Im not a fan of flying now.....The whole game has changed now with the LowCo's and

BA EDI - LHR

without counting, I'd guestimate I've done over 2000 short hauls during both my sales career and now with GPA, the last 1500 or so I've not enjoyed. At all.  Amen.  (I've been told 10 million times not to exaggerate!)

For long haul, and because I am built for comfort, but mainly due to my experiences as outlined above, I more or less always fly up the front of the plane in business class. I've done almost all major airlines up front and I have to say, much to my surprise, whilst the fare is at the high end, quite often the service is not.  The same overly made up and flamboyant crew serve you as though you are somehow in the way of *their* operation, the food is ok (ish), the self-important mobile phone twats do proliferate the cabin, but at least the chairs are comfy allowing me some sleep thereby negating some of the jetlag when I get to my destination when I am actually working! (Some of you might find the concept of my working whilst being at a GP event a misnomer, but there is actual work needs done before, during and after.....!)  If you time it right, these flights are not always ridiculously expensive. So, a few years back, on this very same route (Glasgow -> Dubai -> Singapore) I'd booked business class with Emirates for the Singapore Grand Prix.

I'd flown EK business class before, and I'd rate them as one of the better airlines, so I had a reasonable expectation for what is almost 15 hours in the sky with a couple of hours in the lounge at

Emirates business class

Dubai to connect.  When I arrived at Glasgow airport, even though I had a reasonably generous luggage allowance, I was significantly over as I take lots of branded GPA merchandise with me to give to the guests, this particular year we had quite a large number of guests and consequently I had to bring loads of material.  They wanted almost £450 in baggage fees.....but, the very helpful Weegie lass at check in suggested that I'd be almost as cheap upgrading to 1st class on the way out (I'd explained I wouldn't have the additional weight on the way back) as 1st class came with 50KG allowance.  We did the sums and all in all, the net cost to me was £200.00 more but that meant I got to sample 1st............the downside to this was that at that time, the Glasgow -> Dubai leg plane didn't have a first class, it was only my Dubai to Singapore flight.  So, without any further ado, I spent another £600 odd quid, got my extra baggage allowance and stoated onto the Glasgow-Dubai flight. Nice comfy chair, decent in-flight entertainment and moderately cheery crew looked after me on the 7+ hour flight, I enjoyed a considerable amount of vino, as you do, and arrived in Dubai for leg 2.

I had no expectation as such, I'd not really looked a great deal at 1st class on any of the airlines as it is simply too expensive...well...it is difficult to justify let's put it that way.  So, I stoat (some would say I ponced) down the air bridge to board my Dubai to Singapore flight turning left on the airbridge to go to 1st via the separate jetty to avoid the riff raff.  I board the flight and the bloke knows my name! "Good evening Mr McLeod, welcome aboard might I show you to your seat"? I'm straight away thinking, "Shit! He knows I shouldn't really be here and is making sure I don't steal anything or rob the other passengers....I've been rumbled as the blagger that I am"....but no! He just showed me where to sit.  As I stoated (ponced) up the aisle, I was genuinely awe struck.

Your room for the night

Emirates 1st class product is like a mini hotel room in the sky. As I walk past the other "rooms" I am excited - even though I'm now fairly well oiled given their hospitality in the lounges and on board flight #1, I marvel at where I am. I sit in my massive comfy chair and immediately the stewardess is over with a glass of vintage Dom Perigon. "That'll dae" I'm thinking.  To my right there's an actual mini bar, dead ahead a HUGE screen tv, a controller thing to my right with all the controls, a set of PJ's is delivered, slippers, wash bag with Bulgari smelly stuff, and an "eat on demand" menu.  As you look up (it's now almost 03:00 in the morning) the roof of the plane is decorated with minute LED's that twinkle like a clear winters night sky full of stars, it is, by any standards a massively impressive cabin.  I have to say, I'm somewhat astonished, to the point of near speechlessness that this is how people fly! Where has THIS been all my life!??  We take off and I'm quaffing away on my Dom, movie on....and whilst I've been told, twice, to press the button if I want anything, years of being scowled at from hostesses when doing so makes me reluctant. I run out of fizz, standard, and as soon as the seatbelt

Zzzzzzzzzzzz

signs go off the hostesses up refilling, again telling me to press for *anything*.  I'm fairly tired but am determined to stay awake ensuring I get my £600 worth (my Dad would be so proud) but  after eating something, inhaling loads more vino and the adrenaline wearing off, I more or less passed out. Hostess makes up my bed, closes the doors and I'm out like the proverbial light!

I've never - ever slept so well, be in a grape endured coma or not, I was awakened as we approached Singapore to be offered proper coffee, breakfast and all with a smile!

I get to Singapore and am relaying this story to all and sundry, it was just the most amazing experience! On the way back, I tried everything I could to upgrade, alas the flight was full so I had to slum it in business!! I've since booked and recommended loads of people to Emirates and their 1st class, in fact I have a couple coming this year from Manchester doing it, they're seasoned travelers but haven't tried Emirates yet, they're in for a treat.

So, now when I do Singapore I book these flights when EK's sale is on, it isn't cheap, but it isn't outrageously expensive either. I've typed all of this on my iPad in the back of a Mercedes which picked me up today, I added the pictures from the lounge, I'll get a car in Singapore to take me to the hotel, all included in the price of the 1st ticket. So, as a justification, I save £300 or so on fuel, parking, chauffeur drive at destination, but mostly, I get to marvel at what is, in my opinion, one of the few remaining glamorous travelling experiences. A journey of almost 24 hours should fill you with dread, but not with this product, not with this service, it forms a part of the Adventure.....so for now I bid you a fond adieu ..I'm off to press thon magic button for a Cinzano on the rocks....any time /any place / anywhere.........**wheels up**

Cheers!
KMc